Fatma just told me that this guy that I met yesterday wants to sit and talk with me some more. Sounds sorta normal, right?
YEAH. NOT HERE.
I'm really afraid she's taking on the mother match-making role, trying to find me a good husband. She asked me what my opinion was of him, and I was like, I don't know him? And then she asked if I would be ok with sitting and talking to him. How can I say no? It's one of her family friend's sons and there's nothing outwardly not okay with it, but I know that that's how spouse hunting starts here. So I said maybe, but I'm busy.
I just want to come home again.
That's so weird that people there are so ready to get married to someone they've just met, including foreigners. I think you've even said that in here before, but it just seems insane and blows my mind. Just say no, dude. Or say you already have a fiance. Good luck not getting married though.
ReplyDeleteThanks dude. I started telling people I was married to an American man while I was on vacation cause the guys in the souk were all over me like flies on a pile of, well, you know. : )
ReplyDeleteI'm taking this course on europe's relations with the middle east here in Italy, and we've been focusing lately on the role of women and relations between men and women etc. Our professor said something interesting the other day when explaining the differences between love/marriage in islamic countries and in those from a western/christian tradition. You would obviosuly know better since you're actually there, but when he said this i thought of how people were always asking to marry you without knowing you and it made sense to me.
ReplyDeleteThe course of love in western culture:
You meet someone, and get to know them (otherwise known as falling in love) and being in love is a spriritual thing that elevates your soul. Then you have sex, which is not spiritual (and according to the catholics, always sinful, even though it's necessary).
The course of love according to Islam:
You see a girl, are attracted to her, marry her. Then you have sex, which between spouses is the height of spiritual communion with God.
Is that really how it goes? If so, it would explain alot as to why it isn't important to get to know people before you marry them - that's not the important spiritual part.
Of course, this guy could be off target...
Let me know your thoughts, I'm curious!
Yeah, Meagan, that's actually pretty spot on - I can tell from how mothers often ask if their son attracts me (which by the way is super awkward - say yes and I'm engaged, say no and I'm a bitch.) My host mom actually said you can get married if you meet someone just once in a structured family visit and you guys are both attracted to each other. It really weirds me out. The thing is that that's not a particularly Koranic or Islamic thing - it's really the culture taking Islam to a whole new level and imposing even more restrictions on their women. It's also something you find more in the lower classes, which tend to be more religious than the upper classes, which have taken on more western values and ideas. Like dating.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, these sorts of problems have, as of now, ceased to bother me. Yay!