A Continuation of the "Cultural Relativity, My Butt" Theme

And Stories from the Wedding in the Country

All right, so let me just preface this by saying that I'm going to be completely open and honest about some of my opinions about Egyptian culture. This means I'll probably come across as self-righteous, arrogant, and intolerant sometimes. All I can say in my defense is that having lived here, these are the realities of the lives of the majority of people in Egypt, and if anything, I'm not making as much of some of these things as I could be.
Right. So. Topic 1 (which may be the only topic I write on now): Sex Before Marriage in Egypt
It doesn't happen -- or at least that's what the majority of Egyptian Muslims like to think and will tell you. I'm certain that it does. The reasons for this are that a) marriage is the primary goal in life for most Egyptians (esp girls) and b) all girls must be virgins when they get married. So much of Egyptian life centers around protecting their daughters' virginity. The way the majority of religious families do this is to never let their daughters go out alone, or actually with anybody outside the family - though they can go out with a family member and their female friends, or if their female friends are close with the family, just the female friends. Sons can move out of their family homes when they turn 21 (though quite a lot don't do so), but daughters live with their families until they're married (ideally before they turn 25). Boyfriends and girlfriends aren't really an accepted concept here -- they go straight to engagement. If you want to spend time with your engaged, you either sit with him at your family's house for a supervised visit, or you go out with him and one of your brothers to supervise to make sure no funny business happens.
And what does this do? Well, from my standpoint, it puts girls in what is, functionally, a prison. And because they grow up with this notion, it makes them think that this prison is a sign of love because their family wants to protect them (which is, to be honest, the motivation of the families that live this way). It keeps them from ever taking responsibility for themselves. And it makes them think that men are out to get them or something, all the time. So they enjoy the protection and they think it's necessary.
As for the men, they think that they're really missing out on something, and because they can't have normal interactions with any girls outside their families, they can get sort of desperate (this comes across when they harass foreigners, cause we're exceptions to the rule).
So from my standpoint, what all this protection and guarding and cultural whatever really does is just to build up pre-marital sex into this huge thing that it really isn't. And it also extends way past not having sex before marriage into not interacting with the opposite sex because you're scared they'll try to jump you. And then men sort of fall into that role. And it also keeps women from ever living on their own -- creating them as pretty dependent people.
I got all this info from Madam Fatma. These were my basic conclusions. I had no idea how to explain to her that having pre-marital sex doesn't mean you're a bad person. And I also didn't know how to explain without sounding self-righteous (who am I kidding? this is a self-righteous statement) that in America, we're free to make as many bad decisions as we want (whatever you want to think of bad decisions as), but that that means that when we make the right decisions, it's because of our own values, not because we don't have the option to mess up. OH. And the other thing that really bugged me about this whole protecting girls situation is that it's basically a big way of saying that families don't trust their daughters, and then it gets switched around to protecting them from the big bad men of the world. But the boys can go out and do whatever they want. I don't know if that's clear. I hope so.
Anyway. The wedding was cool, but mostly because I got to see everyone I know in this village because they all got together for the party, not because of the wedding itself. I actually accidentally got left behind for the coolest part of the wedding. Oh well. They did have some traditions that I hadn't seen -- namely putting up handprints from the blood of the water buffalo they slaughtered on the wall, and doing this traditional dancing that was almost exactly like breakdancing in America (I'm still not sure if someone just saw a video on youtube and then it caught on, or if this is a real tradition...cause only the twenty and younger guys were doing it). I met a lot a lot of teenage/twenties cousins of my friend, and now they are all always calling me, cause that's what happens when Egyptians meet an American. blergh.
Also, weird occurrences. I feel conspicuous pretty much all the time here, but in this village, it's because I really am like, someone who's never ever ever seen there. And they think of me like this super model, not because I'm especially pretty, but because my skin's white and I've got blue eyes. Only. And this is like, ok, except that it translates to weird things like my friend's twenty four year old cousin honestly talking to her mother about marrying me. After meeting me once. OH YEAH. THAT'S THE OTHER WEIRD THING ABOUT MARRIAGE HERE. It really doesn't take a lot to get engaged -- you literally meet them once (maybe two or three times) in a structured family visit and if you're attracted to each other, then you get engaged. WHAT?!?!? Back to my friend's cousin -- he then wanted to take a picture with me, and I really really didn't want to, and when they asked if I wanted to, I was like, not really... in Arabic, but her family was like, no, no, he just wants to show his friends he met you, and it's ok, he's part of our family. Meanwhile I'm thinking, this is no different than the men who harass me in the street, he's just ok because he's related to you. Blargh. In the end, the picture was taken, but I didn't touch him and I made a very uncomfortable face.
Let me just say, for all that finding out about how girls are raised here freaked me out, it did finally establish in mind that I could never settle down and make a life here...a) because I would never fit here and b) should I ever have children, I couldn't raise them this way. So, one good thing, I suppose.
Ending on a positive note, it made me really happy to see my friend and her family. OH YEAH AND I GOT MY INTERNSHIP IN DC. For those of you who didn't know, I was applying to work in the Dept. of Education dealing with published materials. It sounds really really cool...especially because I'll actually be doing things.
Whew. That's it. Be well and keep in touch.
love,
e.

Update

I visited the guy who runs the bookstore across the street for an hour, and I don't hate Egypt anymore.
e.

Stuff

So I've hit a sudden bout of homesickness, and what better to do than to blog about it so everyone else can read it?
I guess I'm just really frustrated by some of the stuff I have to deal with in Egypt -- people ALWAYS staring at me at the least, and at the worst, making obscene gestures at me and calling me sexy lady. And while I know that it's nothing that will bring about any lasting harm, and it's something that I just have to deal with, that DOES NOT AT ALL MAKE IT OK FOR ME. I get it. I'm in a different culture and I have to live here, but I am so excited to go back to America where, a)I can walk around on the street and expect not to get harassed. And if someone does harass me, I can feel entitled to let them have it. and b) I'm free to do whatever I want, wear whatever I want, and really actually openly honestly speak my mind.
Don't get me wrong. I still really like Egypt. It's just that now having to give up certain parts of who I am because of the culture here is starting to wear on me a little bit. I don't think I've had to censor myself so much since leaving high school. And while I won't say by any means that I'm completely grown up and responsible, I'm used to and ready for more responsibility and independence than I get in my life here.
And I thought it was a Middle East thing. Then I went to Jordan, and I realized it's an Egypt thing. I didn't feel at all uncomfortable not wearing a hijab and walking around in short sleeves. Not one man harassed me. And for goodness' sake, it reminded me of America almost. Except that they speak arabic and the food is different.
I love being able to speak the language here. And I love every little success and every time I manage to say a full sentence correctly in Arabic. That said, the system of education is immensely frustrating and unclear.
Basically what I like about being here are my Egyptian friends and speaking colloquial Arabic. Only.
I'm going to visit my friend in the country this weekend and I'm going to get to see the night of henna before the wedding and then the actual wedding. Hopefully I'll be happier after seeing all of her family(?) I love visiting them. The only problem is that we always have some sort of cultural interactiony clash thing that makes me frustrated. I guess I just assumed a lot of things were basically accepted as true and rational in the world we live in today. NOPE.
BLARGH. Cultural Relativity, my butt.
e.

I'm Back

in Alexandria. I'm pretty tired. I left Jordan at 6 AM yesterday and got back to Alexandria at 4 AM today. So yeah. long time in transit. I'm actually considering going to bed at 9:30. :P
Sinai was awesome. As were Dahab and Sharm Al-Sheikh. Lots of stories about both. Oh yeah. I also went to Jordan. That was cool too. All right. I'll work my way through all of these places one blog entry at a time in the coming days.
For now, check out some long overdue pictures:



yeah, so those should be links above, but they don't seem to be working...copy and paste it:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2045284&id=4405296&l=c0da7
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2045288&id=4405296&l=650e5
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2045290&id=4405296&l=ff4ff
And just to make sure you keep reading, the coolest pictures, from Petra, are yet to come. Mwahaha. ok sleep.
love,
E.

BlogblogblogBLOGblog Entry

Yep, this sure is a blog entry.
What's up with my life?
I'm still in Egypt, and I'm becoming increasingly attached to it. My friend who lives in the countryside is f'in rockin' and I've visited her pretty much every weekend. I really like visiting her a) because I'm tight with her and her family, and they're awesome people and b) because they're fellaheen and I get to see a side of Egyptian life I'm sure I wouldn't see otherwise. But yes. I really really like her whole family. It's like, a real connection for me here, I'm not sure if I can explain. But like, I tried to play cat's cradle with my friend's little cousin Mirna, and she didn't know how to. But my friend's grandmother did, and when my friend's mom asked where we'd learned how, we both said from our childhood. It just blows my mind that this like, seventy year old egyptian woman who lives in the countryside and I could like, I don't know how to put it, share? something like that in common. Also, I went to what my friend said would be a wedding but actually turned out to be a celebration of a groom (her uncle) buying furniture for the apartment he'll be moving into after he gets married in three weeks. Apparently that's a uniquely fellaheen thing, and like, it was really cool. They played these drums and sang all these songs that I didn't know any of the words to, so I got to be the awkward foreign girl. But I am really amazed by how they've just welcomed me into their lives like it's no big deal.
That said, I keep having these encounters/discussions with them that bring home just how different our lives are. Like first, this friend of their family had stopped by, and earlier one of my friend's cousins had said basically, I love you so much, let's get married! And I said sure, why not? and everyone laughed because this cousin was a girl. Anyway. So they were recounting this story, and this friend of the family said, you know that that doesn't happen here, right? I heard it does in America, what's the word? "Gay?" And then she made this disgusted face. And I just sort of let the topic die away, because it's one of those things where if I really expressed my opinion, it would wreck the friendship. It kind of kills me to do stuff like that, but at the same time, I know I couldn't change their attitude, and it's not like America where I've got some sort of cultural basis to state my opinion -- but I decided if it came up again, I would say that I'm not God, and it's not up to me to say what is wrong and what is right. And in my opinion, if there's more love in the world, that's a good thing. The God reference would turn the Islam argument right back on them -- Islam is very careful about respecting God and God's position above people. Other encounter, not really so uncomfortable, but -- my friend's mom said she felt like I was a little child, and I was scared to upset anyone. And that kind of made me angry, because I've done a lot with my life, and it's really not fair to call me a child. Though the not wanting to upset anyone thing may have been more accurate than I care to admit, which is why it upset me. So I explained that I had worked a lot, and didn't live with my family, and am (relatively, though definitely not even close to completely) financially independent. What I couldn't explain is the reason that I was afraid to upset anyone is that NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE in America would ever ever ever ever be this generous to a foreign stranger. At the same time, that did make me feel like I could be more open about not wanting to do things if they asked me, and be open about things that do upset me. Still, for all that my friend's family/friends make assumptions about American culture (I've got stories that I won't put up here, ask me if you want them... ;) ), my friend is really sweet and unassuming. And also, she always tells me that she likes it when I get all quiet and whatnot. Which is nice, because in general, Egyptian society values outgoing/vocal behavior. So I like feeling like I can be quiet sometimes.
Ok. My excessive reflection aside, I'm going on spring break this week. We're going to the Sinai Region (though nowhere near the sketchy dangerous Israeli border area), and then I'm splitting off with a couple other kids to go to Petra in Jordan. Woo! Pics definitely to come. ps, Sinai includes snorkeling, chilling, hiking Mount Sinai (um. yeah. The place where Moses got the Ten Commandments from God. What?!?!), and going on a safari in the desert. The desert is pretty much my favorite place ever. I can't describe why. It really is just like, a sea of sand. It's mind blowing. Like, when you think of a desert, you probably just think of a lot of sand. And when you first thought of an ocean, you were probably like, sure, whatever, a lot of water. But remember the first time you actually went out into the ocean in a boat and couldn't see anything but the water around you (if you haven't done this, get on that!)? Analogous to the desert. like whoa.
Fun fact for the day -- I use massive amounts of slang and exaggeration in this blog because I can't do it in Arabic.
Other fun fact -- I'm getting damn good at colloquial arabic. Like, i don't have a vast vocabulary, but my accent is really good, and I know how to use the vocab I do have to really communicate. If I do say so myself. Let's see how I feel after my ten minute presentation for colloquial arabic in two days. >_<
All right. Keep in touch. I'll be gone for the next two weeks or so, but I might have patchy access in net cafes and stuff over break. But I'd love to hear from you.
love, e.