A Continuation of the "Cultural Relativity, My Butt" Theme

And Stories from the Wedding in the Country

All right, so let me just preface this by saying that I'm going to be completely open and honest about some of my opinions about Egyptian culture. This means I'll probably come across as self-righteous, arrogant, and intolerant sometimes. All I can say in my defense is that having lived here, these are the realities of the lives of the majority of people in Egypt, and if anything, I'm not making as much of some of these things as I could be.
Right. So. Topic 1 (which may be the only topic I write on now): Sex Before Marriage in Egypt
It doesn't happen -- or at least that's what the majority of Egyptian Muslims like to think and will tell you. I'm certain that it does. The reasons for this are that a) marriage is the primary goal in life for most Egyptians (esp girls) and b) all girls must be virgins when they get married. So much of Egyptian life centers around protecting their daughters' virginity. The way the majority of religious families do this is to never let their daughters go out alone, or actually with anybody outside the family - though they can go out with a family member and their female friends, or if their female friends are close with the family, just the female friends. Sons can move out of their family homes when they turn 21 (though quite a lot don't do so), but daughters live with their families until they're married (ideally before they turn 25). Boyfriends and girlfriends aren't really an accepted concept here -- they go straight to engagement. If you want to spend time with your engaged, you either sit with him at your family's house for a supervised visit, or you go out with him and one of your brothers to supervise to make sure no funny business happens.
And what does this do? Well, from my standpoint, it puts girls in what is, functionally, a prison. And because they grow up with this notion, it makes them think that this prison is a sign of love because their family wants to protect them (which is, to be honest, the motivation of the families that live this way). It keeps them from ever taking responsibility for themselves. And it makes them think that men are out to get them or something, all the time. So they enjoy the protection and they think it's necessary.
As for the men, they think that they're really missing out on something, and because they can't have normal interactions with any girls outside their families, they can get sort of desperate (this comes across when they harass foreigners, cause we're exceptions to the rule).
So from my standpoint, what all this protection and guarding and cultural whatever really does is just to build up pre-marital sex into this huge thing that it really isn't. And it also extends way past not having sex before marriage into not interacting with the opposite sex because you're scared they'll try to jump you. And then men sort of fall into that role. And it also keeps women from ever living on their own -- creating them as pretty dependent people.
I got all this info from Madam Fatma. These were my basic conclusions. I had no idea how to explain to her that having pre-marital sex doesn't mean you're a bad person. And I also didn't know how to explain without sounding self-righteous (who am I kidding? this is a self-righteous statement) that in America, we're free to make as many bad decisions as we want (whatever you want to think of bad decisions as), but that that means that when we make the right decisions, it's because of our own values, not because we don't have the option to mess up. OH. And the other thing that really bugged me about this whole protecting girls situation is that it's basically a big way of saying that families don't trust their daughters, and then it gets switched around to protecting them from the big bad men of the world. But the boys can go out and do whatever they want. I don't know if that's clear. I hope so.
Anyway. The wedding was cool, but mostly because I got to see everyone I know in this village because they all got together for the party, not because of the wedding itself. I actually accidentally got left behind for the coolest part of the wedding. Oh well. They did have some traditions that I hadn't seen -- namely putting up handprints from the blood of the water buffalo they slaughtered on the wall, and doing this traditional dancing that was almost exactly like breakdancing in America (I'm still not sure if someone just saw a video on youtube and then it caught on, or if this is a real tradition...cause only the twenty and younger guys were doing it). I met a lot a lot of teenage/twenties cousins of my friend, and now they are all always calling me, cause that's what happens when Egyptians meet an American. blergh.
Also, weird occurrences. I feel conspicuous pretty much all the time here, but in this village, it's because I really am like, someone who's never ever ever seen there. And they think of me like this super model, not because I'm especially pretty, but because my skin's white and I've got blue eyes. Only. And this is like, ok, except that it translates to weird things like my friend's twenty four year old cousin honestly talking to her mother about marrying me. After meeting me once. OH YEAH. THAT'S THE OTHER WEIRD THING ABOUT MARRIAGE HERE. It really doesn't take a lot to get engaged -- you literally meet them once (maybe two or three times) in a structured family visit and if you're attracted to each other, then you get engaged. WHAT?!?!? Back to my friend's cousin -- he then wanted to take a picture with me, and I really really didn't want to, and when they asked if I wanted to, I was like, not really... in Arabic, but her family was like, no, no, he just wants to show his friends he met you, and it's ok, he's part of our family. Meanwhile I'm thinking, this is no different than the men who harass me in the street, he's just ok because he's related to you. Blargh. In the end, the picture was taken, but I didn't touch him and I made a very uncomfortable face.
Let me just say, for all that finding out about how girls are raised here freaked me out, it did finally establish in mind that I could never settle down and make a life here...a) because I would never fit here and b) should I ever have children, I couldn't raise them this way. So, one good thing, I suppose.
Ending on a positive note, it made me really happy to see my friend and her family. OH YEAH AND I GOT MY INTERNSHIP IN DC. For those of you who didn't know, I was applying to work in the Dept. of Education dealing with published materials. It sounds really really cool...especially because I'll actually be doing things.
Whew. That's it. Be well and keep in touch.
love,
e.